Artemis Fowl, Capone, Da 5 Bloods, Valley Girl, and a Logan Paul Encounter - Streaming Wars #2, the Lost Episode
Welcome, everyone, to a special episode of the Streaming Wars! This was recorded about a month ago, just as a bunch of new VOD and streaming movies were being released. The biggest among these were Scoob, Capone, The High Note, King of Staten Island, The Vast of Night, Da 5 Bloods, and the infamous Artemis Fowl. So sad to see what became of that last one. Anyway, here are Jacob, Hayden, and Keona with their thoughts on those movies and more! Hope you survive… the Streaming Wars!
Oh, and look out for SPOILERS!
Now, without further ado, thar be timestamps ahead!
03:45 - Scoob is up first. Loyal Tooned Up listeners will know our animation experts gave this one a thumbs down, and it was disappointing, even for us non-gurus. I can see what they were hoping to accomplish here, but it falls flat as both an individual story and as a shared-universe start-up. Skip it, unless you’re a huge fan.
12:03 - Capone was a biopic focused on the declining mental and physical state of the infamous gangster, Al Capone. The film was directed by Josh Trank and featured Tom Hardy in the title role, along with the always pleasant to watch Linda Cardellini as his long-suffering wife. The film has some intriguing ideas, but Hardy’s vocal performance left me cold, and the movie is a bit overly pretentious for its own good. Skip it.
18:42 - The High Note was a music-focused character study of a soul/R&B diva (Tracee Ellis Ross) and her lowly assistant, played by Dakota Johnson. It’s not a challenging film, as Hayden mentions in the podcast, but for what it is, The High Note hits a few good vocal runs. See it if you have extra time.
26:03 - Valley Girl (2020), finally seeing a VOD release after being film years ago, stars Jessica Rothe as a teenage girl in the 1980s who seeks to leave her hometown in search of bigger and better opportunities. Along the way, she meets a charming punk rocker (is that an oxymoron?) and dumps her no-good preppy high school boyfriend, played by Logan Paul. Yes, *that* Logan Paul. The dumb one. Luckily, he’s a jackass in the movie, so it’s easy for us to hate him. A cameo appearance from the star of the original film earns this remake some good will, and I did like the fact that they made it a musical, but it’s not a classic, by any means. See it if you have extra time or just love the ‘80s.
34:36 - The King of Staten Island, produced and released by Amazon, is a semi-biographical look at the life of SNL’s Pete Davidson, who stars in the movie. Directed by Judd Apatow, the movie eschews a lot of his usual scatological hijinks for a more grounded and dramatic tone, and is better off for doing so. Apatow and Davidson deliver the goods here, and it’s a movie that more people should spend some time watching. Watch it.
40:08 - The Love Birds, released by Netflix, stars Issa Rae and Kumail Nanjiani as a married couple whose relationship is on the cusp of disintegration until they get tied up in a number of death-defying situations and comedic mishaps. Somehow, there’s even a weird Eyes Wide Shut-style sex cult in the third act. Nanjiani and Rae carry the whole endeavor, but it’s mostly a lightweight comedy that offers nothing too impactful. See it if you have extra time.
43:12 - The Vast of Night is a low-budget sci-fi thriller from Amazon that features fast-talking teenagers and mysterious happenings during a seemingly normal night. As the denizens of a small town attend a high school basketball game, strange transmissions are picked up over a local radio station’s airwaves. Is it a government experiment? A time warp? Aliens? Only Mulder and Scully would know, but they ain’t here. It did really remind me of a mid-tier X-Files episode, and hey, some of those were really good! Anyway, this movie has some excellent cinematography and the acting is pretty good. Check it out.
50:05 - Arkansas is a small-budget crime drama released on VOD starring Liam Hemsworth, Vince Vaughn, and Clark Duke, who also directed the film. I did not watch it, but Jacob said it was just okay, and that Duke needs to carve out his own identity as a filmmaker. The film, as he said, also really wants to be a Coen Brothers movie, and I think that comes across in the trailers. Skip it.
52:48 - Blue Story, a British crime drama directed by a rapper named Rapman, is the story of two best friends who are torn apart by gang warfare and violence in a London suburb. It is autobiographical and told through the medium of rap, as Rapman himself will at times interrupt the film and give us a musical breakdown of the events as they unfold. There’s something to be said about the creativity and unique style on display here, and I think this could be an interesting film to watch. Watch it.
57:30 - Artemis Fowl is shockingly directed by Kenneth Branagh and stars a poor kid whose parents should’ve just talked him out of it at the last second. Oh, and Josh Gad sounds like he swallowed a dozen Brillo pads to get his voice to sound this hoarse. Apparently Disney claimed to have faith in this movie, which is obviously why they unceremoniously dumped it off on Disney+. Well, here’s the thing: It stinks, if I may quote Jon Lovitz in The Critic. There’s a deep cut for ya. Branagh should have just done another Thor movie, apparently. Burn it. Kill it with fire.
1:10:09 - Da 5 Bloods is perhaps one of Spike Lee’s best movies, and definitely contains Delroy Lindo’s magnum opus of a performance. The film is a bit overly long, but the messages it contains are absolutely relevant to our world today. Some people may cry foul about Lee’s politics, but to me, that just makes it a challenging film. No harm in that. I love that Lee changes up the aspect ratio and sound design during the war scenes and flashbacks, and that he shows you some very disturbing images (which are historical, by the way), and that he does not shy away from controversy here. Chadwick Boseman also appears here, and he plays a character who is every bit the warrior-poet that his version of T’Challa in Black Panther was. This is honestly one of my top five movies of the year so far, and I hope you all watch it and give it a fair chance, too. And remember, Black Lives Matter. Definitely watch it and give it an Oscar or five.
1:16:57 - Final Thoughts and Wrap-Up, as we prepare for a new slew of entrants in the streaming warzone.
So there you have it, Renegades, our Lost Episode of the Streaming Wars has finally seen the light of day! And it won’t be long until the next episode follows up on even more VOD and streaming movies! Be on the lookout for episode 3, which I will post in the next few days, give or take. In the meantime, please follow us on Anchor, Facebook, and Twitter! Spotify is also up and ready for your listening pleasure!
Thank you all for listening! This is Neoplasmic signing off on behalf of Jacob the Streamin’ Demon and Lord Hades (aka Hayden)! Take care, wear a mask, wash your hands, and stay safe out there!
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